Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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