what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
