I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
