Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
