cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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