cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
