Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
