whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
