do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
