Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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