She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
