It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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