She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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