It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
