Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
