"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize