"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
