i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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