on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
