I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
