We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
