You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
