so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
