margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
