Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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