Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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