His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
