1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
