Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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