OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
