Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
