She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
