Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
