OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
