hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
