he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
