Sponge bath it is.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
