You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
