if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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