what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
