why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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