if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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