No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
