i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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