shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
