I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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