Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
