This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
