the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
