Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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