I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
