man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
