Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
