Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she peed on how many people?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
