I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drake has all the answers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
