remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
