proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
