are you still at the devil's house?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize