Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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