You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize