He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
