My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize