Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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