I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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