doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize