omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
